Young Men, We Don't Care About Your Scars

Christian Young Men and the Fame Game.

There has been a resurgence of masculinity in certain Christian circles over the past couple of generations, which has resulted in the unqualified blessing of injecting a little more testosterone into the effeminized proceedings of the occidental church. In the West, things still seem to be going from bad to worse for the Church, the Sargasso Sea of our confusion and weakness (i.e. our enervating sin) growing and going full on into Great Atlantic Garbage Patch mode. Most of the western Church is stuck in the doldrums of seaweed and trash, with no end in sight.

Still, despite long odds, and knowing it is a generational labor, some have taken up oars and are attempting to row us back out of the gyre and into the open water beyond the horizon. With muscles unaccustomed to the work, they put their backs into it and encourage their sunstruck fellows to man up and join them. Some even write sea shanties to cheer the rhythm of their work. When pirates come, the cries goes out that some must take up the oars, and some the swords.

Of course, this resurgence in masculinity, in masculine courage and sacrifice within the Christian Church, is in response to a pervasive cultural sin, an omission that has led to a great hunger. This hunger the world seeks also to satisfy, so that some precious saints fret over the rise of men like Andrew Tate, fearing that young Christian men might be seduced by his boring pitch of biological determinism and will to power (how boringly the bored are seduced!). The fears of the precious ones are not unfounded, as the world is a dangerous place and the Church full of fools (and alas, youth and folly often go hand-in-hand). The world is not newly-dangerous, however, and whether our young men prefer to be seduced by women or men¹, our responsibility in shepherding them remains the same as it’s always been, with perhaps a few specific injunctions about the tempora and their mores thrown in: to teach wisdom, to bestow strength, to show joy, and all of it in Christ.

What I am concerned to write about here are not the more obvious pitfalls of paganism and worldliness that our young men learning manhood run into. Instead, I want to talk about a vicious and venial weed that I see growing in the vegetable patch of Christian masculinity. The garden is flourishing, as small as it may be in the context of the Church and the West, and giving good masculine fruit (eggplant, anyone?) for the feeding of nations. However, one particular weed from the outside world takes hold, and in the context of our garden it looks so much like one of our plants that we allow it to take from our crop, making our tomatoes less robust and less flavorful.

That weed is participation culture. You know what I’m talking about. Participation trophies. Half-assery disguised as whole-assery. Presence counted as achievement.

As I’ve said, this weed looks like a garden plant. It looks like it belongs. I think many of us mistake it for Christian masculinity, even as we sneer at worldlings who hand out actual participation trophies. We have winners and losers at our competitions, so there’s no way this is a struggle in our manly biblically patriarchal circles. Right?

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One of the best ideas being recovered in this our project of masculine rediscovery is the notion that it is meet and right for men to seek glory. Not pagan Achillean glory, but Christian glory, Christ-like glory to the glory of Christ.

In the words of the poet²,

Homer and Vergil took pleasure in speaking about the flames that brought
sudden destruction to Troy and about the struggles of their heroes,
but our delight is to sing of Christ
drenched in blood after vanquishing the prince of this world.

Once, Christendom had men of renown and told tales of masculine God-honoring glory, and it wasn’t so long ago. We needn’t cast back to Beowulf, famed mid the folk. We needn’t reach for Sir Philip Sidney or the Redcrosse Knight. There may still be alive some who met Eric Liddell personally, those who recall meeting Aragorn in a first edition bought at the local bookshop. There are still men of glory among us, but the renown is slipping, because we don’t tell their stories, and we exalt them embarrassedly, gnostically convinced that any fame among the peoples ought to be eschewed. Let them be examples, we say, but don’t praise them³.

The purpose of this essay is not to make the case for Christian renown, nor is it to show the difference between Christian glory and worldly glory. Look to Christ, and accept that I take the existence and goodness of Christian renown as given and fundamental to what I wish to say about Christian participation culture in masculinity.

Renown. Fame. Reputation. The Scriptures have plenty to tell us about what kind of reputation to seek, and often, good reputation leads to glory. These things scale up and down, of course, so that the renown of the starting point guard in a small town is great in his hometown, while no one knows the name of Kobe Bryant’s backup at Lower Merion High School in Philadelphia. This can be true even knowing that the latter would kick the former’s butt in a one-on-one game.

Reputation and renown are exterior to us. Since, as Christians, we never seek to glorify our own names, for us there’s even less of a direct one-to-one connection between deed and reputation than for worldlings.

This creates a gray area in which Christians are often tempted to game fame. Since there’s not a direct connection between deed and reputation, the Christian may offer lesser deeds, the impression of deeds, and talk of deeds up to their community.

In the feminized church, we are very familiar with how this works. A young man has only to behave like a good girl with short hair and his reputation among those who matter at the church, i.e. the wives, is secure. In fact, some of them will suggest that he should be a pastor.

This particular manifestation of fame-gaming is not something that ails those of us who are among the rowing churches which are purposefully attempting to revive masculinity.

Nonetheless, as renown is held up as a blessing among us, we do find ourselves gaming the system in a very particular way. And because our generation has largely had to relearn Christian manliness from scratch, inheriting none from our culture and often none from our fathers, it is we who are teaching this vice to our young men.

What vicious, terrible thing are we teaching? How, in our churches, do we encourage the young Christian man to offer up lesser deeds, the impression of deeds, and talk of deeds?

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We are teaching our young men that participation is enough. In fact, we admire their participation and praise them for it. Look at you, Johnny, doing all these manly things we chose for you to do: scouting, hunting, rugby, football, hay-baling, car-fixing, whatever.

Teaching the goodness of participation is fine, as far as it goes, if you’re teaching a child. But children must be taught that, in the now and the not yet, the deeds are what count, not mere participation. Excellent deeds are what God wants, and are also what renown come from.

Yes, being there counts for something. After all,

        he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

Being there counts for something. At the same time, being there is the minimum. England expects every man to do his duty. Afterwards you get to say you were at Trafalgar, and there is a sort of general credit of renown that accrues to you. Well done, you and your fellow warriors. But in the end, it was your duty. You went to church on Sunday, which isn’t always easy, but it is the expected.

How do we teach young men that participation is enough?

I’ve been an athletic coach for many years, and been around sports culture (and Christian sports culture) for a long time. I’ve coached basketball, soccer, volleyball, and most of all, rugby.

There is a certain profile of athlete that I’ve encountered at every age group I’ve coached, in every sport. That’s the athlete who thinks being hurt is awesome.

Why would an athlete think that?

I played competitive sports almost non-stop from high school until I was about forty. This past weekend, at age forty-six, I was able to be on the same pitch as my sons for the first time, playing rugby together. It was a glorious moment; after years of coaching them up, they’re now on our club’s men’s team. I’d like to get back in shape and be able to get out there more often. Anyway, this is to give context when I tell you that I’ve only been injured twice in all those years. Once, at the height of my athletic powers, body finely tuned and looking magnificent, I slipped on some spilled sweet tea at the Baptist Student Union and tore my ankle up. A couple of years later I leapt for a pass at mid-court in a pickup game and someone ran under me so that I fell on my rear end. I chipped my coccyx and had to sit on a donut pillow for some weeks.

Try telling the ladies how you got hurt with those stories. Hello ladies, check out my chipped coccyx.

Athletes who think being hurt is awesome do so because it is cause to tell their story: I’m on the team. We were playing West Central when this happened. I got this sliding into third. I’m on the team, y’all, so I’m skilled and brave.

We older men, like the pretty ladies the lad wishes to impress, often reinforce the behavior. His coach may be frustrated that this kid always seems to have a bum ankle, but the rest of us slap his back and tell him we’re proud of him. Meanwhile, the kid who actually starts but is never injured is treated as just another guy on the team. No back slaps for the athlete whose greatest ability is availability⁴.

Of course, greatest glory still goes to the star quarterback, the leading touchdown scorer, the cornerback the recruiters are after. But since the athlete in question is not one of those guys, a sling makes a wonderful white badge of courage, a way to spread abroad what renown he can.

Let me make something clear. I am very aware that chance plays into injury; the word “casualty” has to do with chance and eventuality, and would be appropriate to use in a sports context. Those who have seen me coach know that I take injury very seriously, and have sat star athletes in “important” games because they’ve gotten a head knock. At the same time, I teach my ruggers the difference between hurt and injured, since rugby is one of those sports that always hurts.

I’ve been quoting poets here and there, so let me quote myself⁵ as proof that I understand casualty:

Ajax always stands in shield wall.
He brings his awful skill and strength to bear,
But learns that fate and chance will warriors snare.
Regardless of their skill his comrades fall.

Chance plays into these things, and is often the biggest factor. I have enormous sympathy for basketball players, who surrender their knees to fate every time they leap for a rebound, and for kick coverage teams, who offer up their skulls on the altar of courage every kickoff. Rugby, on the other hand, is an extremely safe sport⁶, and will serve as a good example as we move from the appearance of deeds to the doing thereof.

Nearly every time a rugby player is hurt, it is because he (the injured athlete) made a mistake. If this is not the case, it is usually because another player did something wrong. This is, if you’ve seen me coach, why I’m so vocal about high tackles. I find them morally outrageous, not because they’re dangerous, and not even because they’re against the rules, but because they’re bad. As in poor. As in they show that you suck at the game, and on top of that are endangering people.

Perhaps the fact that rugby is this way, i.e. that if you’re hurt it’s probably your fault, has helped me develop this perspective: if you got injured, maybe you need to get better. Listen to the veterans; listen to your coaches.

If guys aren’t available, they aren’t available, and that’s fine. The team doesn’t want you playing the wing if you’re on a bum ankle. If there’s a long recovery, or a permanent weakness (say, to a shoulder), that’s fine. Mistake or otherwise, the athletes I coach can testify that on my teams there’s no dishonor associated with injury.

But neither is there honor.

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The scar on your face may be there because you let your shield drop for a moment in your weariness. It may be there because a spear-tip glanced off your comrade’s helmet and then grazed you. Regardless, it’s only a scar. If you had died in that shield wall, we’d have honored you. For your presence in the shield wall, we do honor you. For that scar, well…maybe your girlfriend will like it. No one here is impressed. We all have scars.

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In a nutshell: we are praising our young men for trying, rather than for doing. The encouragement should be to transform that attempt into an achievement the next time, not to view the attempt as an achievement in itself.

How often we praise young men merely for taking something up, for being involved in something. How often young men seek that praise by displaying the signs of their participation in these good activities. Praise him not for the scout uniform, but for the badges and for the old ladies walked across the street⁷. We should not be proud of a son who loves fixing cars…we should be proud of a son who fixes cars to a purpose. We should be proud of a son who fixes cars to start a business, start a family, bless his church, give to his own children.

Thus even the nerd wins renown in the congregation…not by learning to code, but by making things with that code. What deeds shine bright?

Renown must come from excellent deeds, and on that basis should we older men encourage and grant it.

To tell a young man that his broken clavicle, his cancelation on X, his firing from that job, his losing out on that girl with a non-Christian dad, his failing that philosophy class at a secular university, is a badge of honor is to glorify the wound, not the skill or the deed. We all know young men these things have happened to for noble reasons. We also know a lot of dumbasses.

Find out what the young men in your church are doing and have done well, to the glory of God. Encourage more. Regardless of their scars, praise their great deeds to the community. Maybe a beautiful young woman will overhear and they’ll live happily ever after. We certainly wouldn’t want that young woman to marry someone she thought would give his life for her, but turns out is only willing to get hurt for her, to signal good husbandry.

As for the young men: we do not reward virtue signaling. Stop caring what people think and go do the best things you can. Maybe you’ll score three tries; maybe only your teammates will ever understand how much you did in that hard-fought win; maybe you were simply there, on time to that ruck, so that others could excel and gain renown. Is is all to the glory of Jesus.

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Post script for moms and others worried for their young men:

1. That’s right. If you like Andrew Tate, you’re gay.

2. John Scotus Eriugena (A.D. 810-877), Carmina.

3. This is one reason I will sometimes say the literal words “I praise you for…” to young men.

4. Seriously. As a coach, let me tell you that availability is the best ability.

5. From my thus-far unpublished verse play Women of Greece.

6. If you don’t believe me, go do your own reading.

7. That’s still a cultural meme, right?