Wonder in Everyday Conversation

A message for men.

This piece is part of The Choc-Board, a 30-day writing challenge from my friend Chocolate Knox. You can follow Chocolate Knox’s Diagnostic Doxology on Substack, as well as his profile on X.

One of bells I’ve been hammering at for the past couple of years is the idea that education (in as full a sense as you can imagine) is conversation. CONVERSATION CONVERSATION CONVERSATION. Without walking all the way down the chain, education is learning how to be human, and if the Creator is Triune, being human is conversation.

In the beginning was the Verb, and we are verbal people, speakers and doers.

There’s much to be drawn from this, of course, but today I want to rest on a simple and intimate thought, which is that we ought to rejoice in everyday conversation. The education of your three-year-old is your conversations with him. The intimacy you have with your wife is your conversation with her (not for nothing is a synonym for conversation the word intercourse). The knowledge you have of your brother is conversation.

I do not mean to limit intimacy or true knowledge or friendship to the passing of information. We could, I suppose, email our wives. My wife and I text often, as is probably the case for nearly all of you. Some of our texts are sexy, but most are grocery lists and scheduling questions. May we not lose our knowledge in information.

Conversation is not only the exchange of words, although it certainly is that. It is the time spent together, the thoughtfulness, the dedication of it; it is the craft, which shows care.

Here is my challenge to you. Without counting minutes, talk today with your toddler, your wife, your friend, about something glad and inutile. Talk about the football team, the foliage, how clouds form and ¡gasp! why the sky is that blue.

Longer term, learn to ask questions, and most of all, to listen. Learn to craft what you say to make it not only true, but good, and beautiful. Has anyone ever said to you: “that was a good word”? Strive to achieve it: it only happens in contexts of counsel or earnest church talk.

How can you become a good conversationalist? Principally, by imitation and practice. Some suggestions:

• read C. S. Lewis

• read some more C. S. Lewis

• read Tom Wolfe (not his novels)

• go to art shows, listen

• go to open mics, listen

• go to workshops (especially the arts), listen

• go to book signings, listen

• finally, find a way to put yourself out there. It doesn’t have to be YouTube or Twitter, it could be a Discord server. It could be this here Substack. Whatever it is, do not allow it to devolve to trolling or even into argument: craft conversation. Speak a good word, hear a good word.

The peace of Christ be upon you.

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