My Affirmation of Americanness
Je reprise.
Ten years ago, just before I moved back to Brazil (for a time) and took my family with me, I posted this Affirmation of Americanness to my old blog, as a reminder to myself. I came across it today and thought to repost it here.
Sure, I'm Latin. I'm Brazilian. I'm Latin-Saxon, as I've taken to saying. Most of all, for better or for worse, I'm American. This is my affirmation of Americanness.
I hereby affirm the following:
1. That the hamburger is the greatest sandwich ever devised.
2. That gun ownership protects the people from tyranny.
3. That dos a cero forever.
4. That the rest of the world is wrong, price tags should not include taxes. People should know what they're being made to pay to the State.
5. That I worked with this guy. And that he loves America too.
5. That Tim Tebow is the most awesome. That I wish he had a mustache.
6. That women like this are real, and that they are lovely.
6. That Tillamook Cheddar is the most delicious and most versatile cheese in the 'verse.
7. That Standard measurements (American/English) are based on human dimensions and are in harmony with Creation. That the metric system is based on water, godless heathenism, and satanic mills. Wide is the gate and broad the road that leads to destruction, y'all.
8. That culture is worship.
8. That apple pie is best as cold leftovers.
9. That Pigs in a Blanket. That root beer. That hot dogs. That maple syrup from AMERICA.
10. That we handled this thing pretty well.
10. That baseball is boring but feels good.
11. That what I actually said was ALL the bacon and eggs.
12. That Firefly and Arrested Development should not have been canceled. And Serenity and Netflix's Arrested season sucked.
13. That beards are cool in the U.S.
14. That Mexican restaurants = the most American.
14. That it's All-You-Can-Eat Wings Night somewhere.
15. That American English is a beautiful thing. The slang! The modes of expression!
13. That ROAD TRIPs are belong to us.
14. That I found this thing at the thrift store, y'all. High fives.
15. That it's not just a hamburger. It's a cheeseburger with bacon and guacamole.
One of my last glimmers of hope for England is that, unlike continental Europe, we haven't entirely given up on old systems of measurement - even if we are a little schizophrenic on the whole thing.